The plight of Maurice, professional friend and cast off of James Harden’s and Kris Humphries’ entourages, in the new Footlocker spots is a real one. Did you know that guys like Maurice are really traded between jocks and celebrity entourages with alarming frequency? Of course the goal is to end up like LeBron’s “four Horsemen,” and somehow become legitimized.
Maverick, Rich and Randy, all of whom have real life roles now, are the legends of Professional friend-dom. Rich is an agent, Mav has brokered deals for LeBron in a management capacity and has people like Warren Buffett on speed dial. They’ve found – or forced depending on who you ask- a way to show how they aren’t just LeBron’s crew But most Professional friends aren’t that lucky or skilled so, they get to live life as “do-boys” waiting for the next car to go pick up or girlfriend/groupie to appease.
Professional friends take their role very seriously, “I’m who makes sure he wakes up in the morning.” “I get him to practice.” “I hold the weed and roll the blunt”… these are just some of the daily tasks for a Professional friend. The benefits? Wearing his chain, shoes or outfits when he’s over that style. Parties and vacations, etc. Basking in the jock’s aura by association.
Of course this delicate balance can become anarchy when said jock acquires a girlfriend. See, she cuts into some of his work load and use. That’s a set up for uneasy tension between girlfriends and professional friends. It’s ok at first, and as long as she has a friend to throw his way. But, with the introduction of an actual girlfriend, that means no more parties back at the house. That means one less vacation in the off season because he’ll want quality time with boo. And that could mean a change in living conditions if you’re the in-house professional friend. That’s usually the point when you see “Maurice” traded to the next crew. He understands the system, he knows his role in it and he’s outlived his use with his original jock.
Professional Friends often run interference for the jock and in some cases pick up his leftovers for himself. But, Professional Friends often get upset when some women overlook them for the bigger name in the master bedroom. Realistically, why would she date you when you have to go down the hall to ask for $$ to date her. You ask him what his plans are for the day, he says “I don’t know, gotta see what Jock 2B is going to do.” They’re opting to skip the middle man. Like Elvira told Tony Montana in “Scarface,” “I don’t f**k the help.” Don’t get mad, step your role up. What happens when the Professional Friend gets the left over work pregnant? Do you expect to be sharing diapers and milk?
Think long and hard if you choose the Professional Friend career trajectory. They say grouping is a dead end job but there’s not a lot of stability in being a jock’s hand maiden either. Check out Maurice as he attempts to audition for Warriors Stephen Curry’s entourage. It’s real in the field kids.
These commercials are GREAT!
